I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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