Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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