While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
