how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
