the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
