what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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