Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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