I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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