Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize