Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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