I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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