I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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