We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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