and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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