but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize