Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
