he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
