Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
