dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
