i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
