Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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