I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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