I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
