$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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