actually, I'm a sock model
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize