if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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