My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
