i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
