I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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