you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
