Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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