i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
