His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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