listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Who died my cat blue again?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize