tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
