my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
