He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize