nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
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