I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i was born a porn star she said
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
