He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize