he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
