At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
