My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
