you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Actions speak louder than pants.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
