i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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