In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
