Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
