just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize