I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
