I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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