my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize