Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize