apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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