Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
