On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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