FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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