I want to make a zoo with you.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
