I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
