I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
