I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
