this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
