Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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