it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
