I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
