What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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