did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
