My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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