I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
