Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
