didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
