This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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