Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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