I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
