I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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