we're blogging at a bar
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
