Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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