she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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