Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
