I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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