drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
