the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
