so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
