i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
