I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
