I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
