so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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