Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Heβs like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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