your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
