There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
