Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he shaved USA in his pubs
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
