Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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