and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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