somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
