if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
