i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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