I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize