If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There's always time for handjobs
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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