Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
