Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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