And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize